It’s an okay crowd for a Tuesday; everyone’s telling me the January lull is over, and anyway I’m more broke than I have been in years, so I’m back at work.
Leaving the lap dance room I see Autumn with two guys. She seems to be concentrating on the more attractive, less drunk one, so when his friend flails nearer to me I take my chance.
“A lapdance sound great! But I have to wait for my friend.”
“I think he looks busy with Autumn,” I answer, pondering my chances.
“He should be busy!” he slurs.
“We can be busy,” I offer. “Busy doing some depraved things in back.”
Autumn’s guy perks up at this and walks away from her, toward us. Dammit. Autumn hovers, indecisive. I sigh. But the friend helps me out.
“He should get a lapdance! I’ll get him a lapdance!”
“I do,” Autumn’s guy agrees. “I need a lapdance.”
This is too easy. “No, what you need is a two girl show.” I wave Autumn back and run my fingers through his hair, . “Right? What you need is two girls, all. Over. You.“
Autumn catches on and starts rubbing his shoulders. “Yeah, right?”
Friend comes back. “Come on bro! Do it! Two girls! Whooo! We’re from Seattle,” he confides.
“Seattle, huh,” I itsy-bitsy spider walk my fingers down his chest to linger at his navel, then belt buckle. “Then you need a real P_____ style lapdance because we’ve heard about the rules in Seattle and that sounds like such a drag.”
“We’re wild here,” Autumn agrees. “You need a wild lapdance.”
“I love redheads,” the guy sighs. I nod encouragingly.
“But,” he says, and I can already tell I’m about to be annoyed because “but” is like the most annoying word out of a stripclub customers mouth ever, always a precursor to something even more annoying, I realise this is a contradiction but you’ll see what I mean:
He continues. “I own my own restaurant. I don’t have to pay for a lapdance. I get free lapdances all the time. I’ve dated strippers before you know. I know how you are. I can have free ones whenever I want.“
(emphasis totally mine because see how it just got more annoying? I don’t want you to miss that fatuous and fallacious statement.)
I run my fingers back up his chest, stop at his nipple. Fiddle with it through the fabric.
“But you’re in a strip club right now,” I say.
“Yeah but I don’t have to p–“.
“You came here to our work place, and, as you say, you’ve dated strippers so you know how it works–” I pinch his nipple.
“Ow,” he says. I smile brightly.
“You’re in a strip club now, where we are working, and lapdances are what we sell.” I pinch again. “It’s a little like if we came to your restaurant and sat down and then refused to buy anything because, ‘Hey! We don’t actually want food’.” I pinch his nipple again, unable to contain my irritation.
“You’re being that girl,” he says, trying to smile.
“Yes, I am.” I let go and pat his chest. “Because I don’t like you.”
I hear Autumn give a scandalized gasp of laughter as I walk away.
I texted her to ask if she remembered any other parts of the conversation.
1- Kat used to say that nodding subtly sends a subliminal signal that they should agree with you. Strip and Get Rich echoed this. Sometimes it works and sometimes it makes the guys laugh but l can work with laughter.