Been doing my kegels

Came into work stoked, I finally found a safety pin, a BLACK one.[1]

Wave my new bottoms at Regan.

“I’m so glad I found one too cause I can’t find my other black bottoms and my back up plan was just to stuff all that extra material up—” i mime finger shoving them up my lady parts. This is fun because Regan can be easily scandalized by reference to vagina. It’s because she’s the straightest girl in straight land, I think. I can’t help giggling at her face.

How were you gonna keep them up there?” Regan demonstrates, waddling around the lockers, squeezing her thighs and ass together in grampa butt (it’s a thing new girls do) before starting to honk with laughter.

“They’re black, and it’s not like they’re visible for long!”[2] I can do mock offended for about half a sentence before it’s too ridiculous. I do kegels!” I get out before we both start shrieking.

“I don’t even know what you think is happening up there!  like fabric will just fall out—”

“because it should stay wadded up in your vagina all night?!”

“Tampons do!”

We’re both cackling, the dj has stopped making a rotation for the night and is blatantly eavesdropping, but no shame here.  Too busy laughing hysterically at my kegel muscles.  I slingshot the offending undies at here before collapsing into someone’s open suitcase all weak kneed.

1- I keep losing bottoms. A customer jacked my favourite pair, then the elastic gave out on my next, and so on. I got an overpriced bit from the costume lady but it’s already fraying.

Stripper shit. The most overpriced bits of lamé & Lycra you will ever find.

So Regan picked me up some bottoms at Victoria’s Secret. She got the smallest size (third floor walk up has done what it can for me but my genetics got me doomed to small hips & booty as such eludes me) but the crotch was too long without hips and ass to fill the lace out.

2- i mean this is true. The worry would be that the extra material would slip out and then the lacy side bands would slide back up to an unflattering level instead of the sag that aids the small curve. But I bet it would stay.


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