“I’m going to be honest with you”

I sat down next to this really cute well-dressed young guy.  I forget what we were talking about but it was going well, I was making him laugh, and he needed a new drink anyway (which I find is the best time to ask them for some reason, maybe partially bcs they can’t use finishing the drink as an excuse to shillyshally) so I asked him for a dance.

“We’ve been having fun so I’m gonna be honest with you.”

(omg I’ve talked before about this before but this is like—as soon as someone says that abort abort bcs it’s either going to be a tremendous insult or something else that makes you want to hit them.  I’ma start telling guys “No one comes to the club for honesty!” just like I tell them “Stop searching for authenticity!” when I’m feeling really bitchy)

I sat and waited and he continued like we were really bonding and I would applaud him for this honesty:

“I love coming here, you know I sit here, and you guys come up and hang out with me, and it really feels like winning. ”

oh no, I thought.  I liked you I thought you were going to be a good customer and now I literally want to rip your entrails out, this was not the night to make this argument couched in those specific terms I haaaaaate you now I will never respect you as a person ever again.


“And as soon as I go back there, it feels like losing.  I don’t like it.”

Counted to ten.  Breathed.  I want to make this as clear and calm as possible bcs as soon as my veneer cracks it’s all over, they stop listening.

“We don’t make an hourly wage, or any kind of wage.  We subsist on tips alone.”

he nods like duh.

“We make stage tips by going on stage once every 45 minutes to an hr and a half.  So the real money, our income, is made through lapdances.  and we have to give over 20% of that money away.

“I understand that you don’t feel like paying for it.  You’re an attractive guy, you don’t think you should have to.  At any other regular bar, you wouldn’t.  But you come in here, to my job, and think that somehow you should be exempt?

“What, do you go to restaurants and order glass after glass of water and then refuse to tip when you aren’t even buying what they sell?  You want to be that guy?
“When you put it like that—”

“You can get free attention from women in any other bar in town, here you get my attention free for about a minute and a half. You pay for my attention.

He opened his mouth again but I cut him off.  ”Have a nice night.”

He left after that.  They usually do. I hope management never notices that about 20% of the guys I talk to leave after I talk to them.  They aren’t going to care that those guys were never going to spend money on us, I’m making them lose bar sales.

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