Consent in the club

Customers excuse their bad behavior with “I just can’t help it.”

I wonder about this all the time. I can tell men’re trying to be cute but just jfc men, in what world is having less self control than my chihuahua cute?[1]

If I really can’t help it (bcs this is not a profitable discussion to have and I already know before it starts that it will end with me needing to take time to cool off in back before I hit the floor again) I’ll try to respond in a way that makes them see how utterly foul they are being:
“Oh, you’re an adult, I’m sure you can control yourself.  I mean you’ve gotten this far in life.”

“No, no, you’re too hot.”  see how they think they’re paying me a compliment by saying I’m so hot it causes them to lose control? cool

“Really? You have less self control than my dog?”
To which the response was, men are dogs. Well great. Pity your female friends and family, if you have any and I hope you don’t

It’s something I want to talk about in depth with them and also with my coworkers, bcs I just want to know, I really, really want to know—is this really how they understand themselves?

bcs I’m pretty sure it is and that terrifies me.

before my break I was actually at the point of frazzled burnt out-ness where I actually burst out while in line with a bachelor for a dance—ok it happened like this:

his friends were being tremendous douchebags but he was somehow more sober and sweeter than them and really aware of taking part in this bizarre male bonding ritual and so he criticized their behavior and asked me if that happens a lot.

And like, duh.  hello.  I don’t think katherine frank fully plumbed the depths of the ways strip clubs are like male act-out playgrounds even though they’re carefully constructed to look wild and transgressive while being fairlysafe spaces—anyway.[2]

So I was kind of encouraged and feeling like this might be my one chance to get to the bottom of it.  Of why a grown adult would say such a thing and additionally, when they actually act on it.  When they actually do break my rules and then whine at me that they couldn’t help it. I was trying to phrase it exactly right so he would know what I meant and it came out something like,  ”Why do men act so bothered when they are barred from doing certain things? They literally act like giant sulky babies like their cash entitles them to an all access pass to my body, and like I’m actually hurting their feelings and being massively unjust if I set limits on what they can do, even though everyone knows there are limits here” (they differ by the girl but still) “so like why?  Why do guys do this?  do you know?”

I mean escorts have boundaries and I wonder if their customers act as hysterically defrauded as mine do if they are told like um “no hair pulling” or whatever.

And he was just like—oh god it was so disappointingly predictable—he was like, “I’m sorry some guys are jerks, I’m not like that.”

And for about thirty seconds I tried to rephrase before I realized he was essentially just another bro being like omg I don’t rape ppl y r u h8 me.

epilogue: after I got done with his dance I went in back and asked the first girl I ran into (who happened to be that girl I loathe, Moany BackHanded Compliment Girl) the same question and she was like blah blah biology and I was like god I knew I was right to loathe you. And it made me want to talk to more dancers about it but not at my club my club is a toxic pit so here I am on the internet.


1- Tbh he’s less of a chihuahua and more of an angelbaby who came down from heaven on a cloud of gold dust to bring peace and love to this earth but ykwim

2- not to denigrate G-Strings and Sympathy I’m just being flip altho I really think pdx clubs are like something special.  and by special I mean uniquely terrible. I wrote her fan mail once being like

“pls come to pdx I really want your take on it.” and she was basically like “no I want your take on it.” and I was like “…i’lltry”


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