what’s YOUR real name

I got lucky again w a bunch of dances right off the bat and then a retired massage therapist/current-marketing-man (do I have so many of these guys bc they over identify w mad men or something) bought a half hr and only wanted to give me a shoulder massage & I strenuously object to customers touching me but if you are legit giving me an actual massage…

emily latella voice: that’s different.

he didn’t try to touch my boobs or once whine at me about why he only got to touch my back, and i haven’t had an actual massage since May, I almost fell asleep. the only annoying thing was at one point he was all

“I presume there’s a proper name somewhere”

& like wtf is up with that. bro no. couching it in a weird indirect way isn’t cute or more likely to succeed w getting my legal name. yr hilarz.

I played dumb bc I was annoyed and wanted to be annoying and made him repeat himself a bunch and finally said in my normal voice (my stripper voice is really high and kind of jennifer tilly-y, idk it just comes out like that when my spidey-senses get the money tingle and I noticed my acceptance rate soars when I use it so I go with it)

“are you talking about my legal name?”

he looked really awkward and hemmed and hawed and was all “not that I’m asking, you don’t have to tell me.”

“I know,” I said, and then went back to being high pitched stripper girl.

but over all it was like being given a present and why suffer the full shift two nights in a row, it would have been the rankest ingratitude, esp since the rest of the customers were young people who’d been there for hours throwing down a token dollar or two and that’s just emotionally taxing. It’s so hard to look attractively sexy for a room full of people staring at you blankly for free.

plus I have to wake up at 8.30 for planned parenthood orientation so like, later suckers.

I drove 90 all the way home, singing see you again and ace of spades w enthusiastic tunelessness and manny (who comes with me to work bc why not) looked only slightly more bulgy-eyed than usual.


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