Bummers of working for a vegan in his vegan club

back in the day my creepiest regular used to bring me food at work and yes he was terrible [Kat used to say “comestibles don’t count!”] but also, jfc I want pizza right now.

I said that out loud and one of the other girls whispered, “me and the bouncer brought pizza, it’s in his car. You could buy a slice.”

Ofc we can’t have pizza in the club, so I went outside to find him.
If I had pizza, and I’m not saying I do, if I did, I wouldn’t sell it until [the owner] leaves.”  He was talking out the side of his mouth, back to me and the cameras.
This is the most surreal place I have ever worked. Drugs are ok (the owner once taped a girl oding in back to show her when she woke up) but god forbid I bring a salad with goat cheese on it to work. (ugh i had to go there.  now any creepies who hadn’t already can figure out where I work. cool.)
“But if you did, I could buy it when he leaves.” Addressing his back. He nodded. “Maybe you’ll see me later then.”

I didn’t bring any cash with me so that I would be forced to work, at least until I got the leave early fee, and then I hoped it would be like scenting blood, I’d want to just stay and make more money; but all good intentions aside Monday nights are just so completely tedious. Becky pointed out I cancel over half the mondays I schedule for and I could work them without being scheduled if I really needed to.  it’s only residual scarcity paranoia that makes me feel like I need to.

a few hours later, one last dance away from being able to leave with my quota, I finally blurted it out to my customer. “If you get one more lap dance you will make my night!”

“Aw, you say that to all the guys.”

“Well yeah but I actually mean it this time.  One more dance and I won’t feel bad paying to leave and all I really want to do is go home, eat pizza and watch breaking bad.”

When this approach works—when I get to stop pretending to be attracted to them and get to treat it like a job and they can take it in stride and it becomes a really clear cut financial transaction?—it’s just like unspeakably fucking refreshing.

“Okay,” he said.  “But I wish you weren’t leaving because you’re amazing.”

“Yes, it’s very sad for you.”


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