bad night

I just almost finished this really long post about my night which was awful even if it was good $$ but like I’m hesitant to post it bc that’s actual how awful it was. WHOA.

And at the same time I can’t tell if I’m accurately conveying what’s awful about it, because the worst thing to me, the thing that made it actually unbearable, is how there was no one to share my like actual horror and outrage. And this is deliberate, like he deliberately hires a certain type of stripper or cultivates it by hiring very young girls who don’t have a frame of reference, and I know that dancer friends of mine would be similarly horrified but without their immediate support, without them to be outraged and then make it funny, it’s just so much harder. And without their backup—like at several points I know if I’d been somewhere else I would have had back up to end things or to keep people in check but without that it’s just me and what would be just little red flags that I can check or a bouncer could put a stop to become an endless stream of tiny violations that i exhaust myself trying to keep in check and they pile up and make me so angry.

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