Tagged: customers smh

birthday dance

Giving a birthday lap dance to another red head whose bday is tomorrow.
“Oh you’re from the east coast? Me too! I’m from Boston.”
“I’m from farther east than that,” with scornful superiority.
My patented glazed stare. Like, the cape, what? The middle of the ocean?
“I’m from Pennsylvania.”
I controlled my laughter then but it got really hard when the song started and he whisper/sang along to Nevermind in that way that lets you know the song is Super Meaningful And Important but tbh in the context of a lap dance is a little creepy.

I just lost it onstage. The dj didn’t even know Beyoncé had a new album, let alone have any of the songs off it, which led to a discussion of why Beyoncé is not appropriate strip club music, unlike pantera. So regan and I took a poll and in fact every customer picked pantera. And (I blame menstruation because in this fucking environment I get to) I started yelling that they were all hayseeds and I needed to move back to the east coast.

That, of course, got me some country ballad for me next song.

Then I got offstage and asked a dad type for a dance.
“I’m just here to hang out,” he said.
“You could be hanging out at a regular bar where there aren’t girls in underwear working for free.”
“I could.”
“But you won’t.” I patted his cheek. He cringed.

The next guy said “no thanks, I’m just an innocent bystander.”
“There are no innocent bystanders in an environment where women work for tips alone.”
He got fish mouthed at me.

Continue reading

aggressively obnoxious tips

It finally came!

It finally came!

A) re: losers and origami tips, I lectured a guy on how NO ONE LIKES THAT after he wasted many many dollars making dollar dicks “for us”. I did take a picture of one on another girl’s phone bc mine died but it hasn’t appeared yet so I have NO PROOF.

B) I really seriously deserve a parallel parking prize