Tagged: fellas leave your girl w her friends

Do you know what’s a hundred times worse than male strip club customers? The bitchy, entitled, & insecure women they bring in here with them.


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everyday whorephobia nbd

The girl next to me at the hair salon is talking about how she knows a lot of strippers and they all hate themselves and it must be even worse other places because at least strip clubs are classy here which like, lol, shut up Jon snow. What I need is more clueless rich white women ruining my day after they made my night unbearable.

She just said something about a “dancing horse, haha it sounds like whores.”


The first customer I sat with had made friends with the two women next to him.
“They’re nasty,” he told me.
“Well you know they come here often so they rate the girls as they dance and tell me who does what.”
That’s really great.
Three hours later, long after he left, they’re still here and haven’t tipped anyone.

There’s a man who’s been drinking water this whole time and told me cheerfully, “you’ll have better luck with anyone else, you’re pretty.” Patted my bum.

Four guys here relaxing after work, two hours now. They’re just here relaxing, thanks, they don’t want company and they don’t want to sit at the rack and they deeply resent the implication that a sports bar might be a better place for them.

The bar back is in here on his off day.

Six youngish women and two gay guys. Four dollars hit the stage in two hours, smiles and thumbs up when I asked if they knew we only make tips.

No, REALLY, fellas leave yr girl with her friends

As I sat down to type this I just remembered the last time I got in a fight with a wife and I guess I should take notes before I forget but anyway this just happened and I need to cool off.

I walked up to a guy at the ATM and said, “you look like you’re getting ready for a really great lap dance!”
I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind, turned around.
“He has a wife and kids,” this really grim guy said.
“He walked into the strip club,” I pointed out. Like, I do actually have thoughts about the ethics of dropping money on me when you have responsibilities but also if you walk into my job, I’m going to do my job and I’m going to make you pay. My presence is a luxury service, not a basic right. We can talk about financial responsibility when I’m not at work.
“His wife is right here!” The guy said indignantly.
“Great!” I waved at her. “Special discount for couples.”
She glared at me.
“They aren’t interested,” Grimmy said.
“All right, just remember if you aren’t here to spend money you should find someplace else to be.” Perky smile, walk away.
“They don’t want YOU” grimmy shot at my retreating back.

I miss the rich solo businessmen SO BAD

Better late than never

A bachelor fell in love with me last night while I was waitressing.  If I had known last night I would have strong armed him into getting dances then because waitresses get to charge more for their dances and thus keep more.  Slightly more. Verrry slightly more but enough that it’s less of an insult.

However, I did not know, so better late than never.
He was very quiet and mild and not at all terrible—everyone I danced for tonight was like that, in fact, a welcome change of pace from lately and esp from the rest of the crowd tonight who were dreadful. But he did keep quietly begging me to brush my nipple against his lips.  Do I look stupid? I leaned in and poked him in his eye with my nipple instead and then about died laughing.
He made an actual emoticon sad face.  😦
“ok ok ok ok ok.  Close your eyes.”
He closed them.  I ran the edge of my pinky along his bottom lip.  ”How was that?”
“That was your finger. :(“
I used to nanny for the best 8 yr old boy in the world, who was capable of saying shut up with the most amazing and amusing mixture of scorn, condescension, delight in saying shut up when he knew he wasn’t supposed to, and pleasurable fear about saying shut up when he wasn’t sposed to.  It was awesome and always made me laugh because at heart I’m just a bad babysitter. I channeled Sam. “Shut up!”
The guy gaped at me and started laughing.
As pleased as Sam by this reaction I leaned over and gave him a hug. “You’re my favourite!”
“You say that to all the men.”
“No, because they aren’t my favourite.”
“You’re a doll. A mean doll. But a doll.”
“That’s my favourite compliment ever!’
After Manny—his name was Manny and I learned from the Larry incident, which I would link to except I post too much and I can’t find it but basically Aubree used to call her cold sores Larry and I blurted that out after meeting a customer named Larry which was awkward but DID NOT STOP HIM FROM GETTING DANCES!! and now I have better self control and maybe the celexa is working because I did not dissolve into sobs on him—left it was after 2 and I really wanted to leave with a respectable amount so I forced myself to make the rounds and yep, everyone was still horrible.
A man grabbed me and took me over to his friend, a girl, because it was her birthday.  He wanted me to dance for her.  I thought he meant an actual dance and went willingly but when we arrived he just stuck a two dollar bill in her cleavage and called it quits.
“Oh, ha ha, dances are $40,” I said with all the restraint I could muster, backed away, left the two because… because fuck you. She reached out and grabbed my wrist.  They were all very grabby.
“Dance for it, bitch!”
I leaned in, patted her thigh, did not hit her.  ”Girlie, that is two dollars.  That’s not worth my time. Get some perspective.”
then I called it quits because that’s really enough for one night, rent be damned.
The car wasn’t due back until 3 and I left kind of early, so I took advantage of the extra time with new rental car.  Ugh new cars are so good at speeding and their sound systems are amazing.  I went over the I5 and the Fremont bridge at top speed with Florence and the Machine as loud as quality held. Portland fall nights are so foggy and the Fremont in particular is shrouded in fog after like midnight, and the freeways are empty, so it’s basically the best thing in the entire world, breathless and slightly frightening ever since getting hit by the truck. Pleasurably terrifying.  I just want to go so fast I never have to think again.  I want a new car. &c.

Well-earned pessimism

I was thinking about how I wish lesbians felt pressure to be a model minority in strip clubs

But I thought don’t be such a pessimist you’ve had a good lesbian customer I’m sure.

Then I got onstage and one of the women at the rack tried putting a dollar in my vagina and I thought no. It’s not pessimistic if its realism.

The best/worst part is that she really thought about it too. Like her hand hovered up and down my back before deciding the best place for that dollar was my junk.

Anyway. I told her if she wouldn’t do it to a random woman on the street, she doesn’t get to do it to us, and if she tried that again i would have her kicked out.

things I would have missed if I had stayed in bed:

car accident

paying $40 for being 31 minutes late to work bc of said car accident (bouncers, what is your hysterical empathy-less investment in following rules that range from SORT OF logical to extreme nonsense? oh right, power tripping horrible men)

dodging our old realtor

a girl customer attacking two dancers on stage and dumping her drink on one of them (turns out she’s an exgf of dancer’s current bf)

finding out that she then stole a bouncer’s wallet and keys (!!!score one for her although she still sucks, and that was actually the nicest bouncer 😦 )

all this and more.