sometimes I finish my makeup look at myself and cringe bc I know I will be fielding “exotic harem girl beauty” compliments all night
“There you are! You look ready!”
“Oh idk idk. Come back in ten minutes!”
“Ten minutes! What’s going to happen in ten minutes from now that can’t happen right now? Delayed gratification is only fun in Twilight.” Appeal to his friends.
“No no, go have fun!”
“See? They won’t miss you.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say. They’re going to miss me. I need to stay with them right now.”
“You mean you came to the strip club for make companionship rather than female? It’s time for some homoerotic bonding?”
Friends groan and laugh in protest
“No! no, it’s not homoerotic.”
“Sorry, you’re right, it’s homosocial.”
“No it’s not homoerotic!”
“I said homosocial, but you may be too drunk to appreciate the difference.”
“Aww now you’re being hateful.”
“No, now I’m being rude because I’ve given up on making money off you.”
“You’re cute! You’re not sexy, you’re just so cute!”
[number 2’s friend]
“You’re not pretty. You’re sexy, but you aren’t pretty. But you know that.”
you’re so right. You’re all just so right.
This guy was being really charming at the rack and moved over to the stairs while I was getting off stage. This is usually an indication that they want a dance, so I asked him.
“Oh no, I can’t trust myself.”
Whoa! Way to give me another opportunity to dig for dialogue for tits and sass and consent!
“Um what, can’t trust yourself not to rape me?”
“I just couldn’t control myself. I don’t know what I would do. But you’re really beautiful. I want to take you to dinner.”
Ok. I’ll pay my rent in compliments and dinner, from a guy who tells me he can’t trust himself not to rape me. ”Are you saying that you, an adult man, have less self control than my chihuahua who is fully trained and listens to my commands?”
“I can’t help it, you’re so beautiful” he’s all caressing my back giving me a gross backrub “my dick is bigger than my brain.”
“Then I don’t want to know you.”
for a lot of reasons, mostly men behaving so badly that it’s too depressing to talk about. I had to elbow a guy in the neck, he wasn’t kicked out. He deserved to be killed tbh. A terrible couple’s dance where the guy complained the whole time about not being able to touch. By the time a guy told me he was too jewy to get a lap dance (I should have introduced him to Bunny & they could have gone off and been horrible people together)(Bunny isn’t talking to me any more & I’m not sorry. Dear Bunny, if you are reading this I’m beyond not sorry) I was almost ready to flip out and go home but no, it got worse.
I got in an argument with some guys—oh it was so stupid. They were standing by the stage gawking and told me they didn’t have money. I suggested they leave. They were waiting for their friend, a bachelor, who was getting a bachelor dance.
“Why don’t you wait for him outside so you aren’t ogling the naked girls for free?”
One of them put his hand up to stop my crazy bitch tirade.
“I’m gay, sweetie. I don’t care that you guys are naked.”
“That’s great! Then moving outside & out of view won’t be a problem.”
“I told you we don’t want to look at naked girls!”
“Why are you standing by the stage? The whole place to choose from and you chose right here?”
“Quit being such a fucking bitch.”
The final straw was this kid who’d been looking at me with puppy eyes for an hour. When I had time I went over to him and asked him his name. Oops. I usually remember not to do this, but.
“You don’t remember me from two days ago?”
“Ahhh…” no graceful way to recover. “I don’t wear my glasses to work.” This is true.
He swayed a little, from being drunk, not from the tragic blow of my lack of remembrance, Or idk maybe that too.
“Remind me!” I smiled encouragingly. “What’s your name?”
“You really don’t remember?”
“I’m sorry, no. That’s ok. We can create new memories.”
“How drunk were you Saturday night?”
This is really rich coming from the kid who can’t stand straight and got his days messed up.
“I don’t drink here,” I said stiffly.
“How can you not remember me?” he wailed. I lost my temper. It wanted to happen all night.
“Son, I see hundreds of people a night. I probably talk to 50-100. I know this loomed huge in your mind, but you’re just another guy. Did you spend a lot on me or something?”
He looked tragic.
“Then you’re just some other guy. Sorry it hurts your feelings. Have a good night.” I patted his cheek patronizingly because I’m a fucking bitch and tried to leave only to be told I had to go on stage one last time. It was like dying.
ftr the night started out awesome. it wasn’t until horrible man that I had to elbow in the neck that it took a swan dive. dying goose dive.
When people are like
“if you become a sw you will be jaded abt men”
this is a problem why?
Bcs you know what they actually mean is oh damn she places a value on her attention, time and energy and won’t take shit.
And by some people I mean the loony libertarian rape apologists I work with.
I posted that amazing video of the girl macing the white guy who wouldn’t leave her alone to my fb. A girl I work with (who friend requested me idk why because she’s basically a horrible human being who spends her night giving out backhanded compliments when she’s not doing far too much for far too little or moaning so loud in the lap dance room that guys either feel embarrassed or angry about what they’re missing out on—that girl, remember her?
and she once told me after I wondered aloud why some customers are apparently incapable of respecting that I don’t want them touching my tits or kissing or licking me, that they just can’t help it. Men are biologically incapable of policing their own behaviour. I guess we’re all lucky we aren’t constantly being raped but I’m pretty sure she thinks that’s a fictional concept.
so obviously I dislike her but anyway)
commented, “I hope she got arrested for assault.”
and I’m like, “I hope you break a leg and retire you privileged horrible douche.”
kidding no I wasn’t. Like an asshole I told her she hasn’t been street harassed enough and that whiny white bro is gonna be just fine.
ps this video RULES. It made my fucking day.